The spouse of Superman

Nate was assigned to Emergency Response for the LDS Church in the summer of 2005, while he was serving as a Bishop.  His previous job was in International Logistics with Deseret Transportation, so I knew to a degree what his new assignment entailed.  Because ours is a worldwide and welfare-oriented church, when disasters strike, we come to aid.  In trying to become like Jesus Christ, we do what we can to be like him, and that means reaching out to those in need.

Sometimes with large disasters, Nate is called away.  Sometimes he stays here and works from his office.  Much of it depends on how established the Church is in an area, and how much relief aid is requested and needed.  Here is the process for disasters for the Church:

1. Assess.  How many missionaries and members affected?  Are they safe?  How many buildings are affected?
2.  Report.  Ward and Branch leaders report to Stake and District Leaders, who report to Area Welfare Specialists and Directors of Temporal Affairs, who report to headquarters and the Presiding Bishopric.
3.  Conference.  Oft times this is done over the phone, as disasters cover many time zones.  Local leaders make requests to serve the needs of their areas.
4.  Proposals.  Emergency Response puts together plans including items needed to be purchased, items used from storehouses, where to purchase items, how they will be shipped, how much it will cost, when it will arrive, and who will distribute.
5.  Initiate.  Once the plan is in place and approved, make it fly, and quickly.

This is obviously simplified, leaving out a lot of details.  The Church partners regularly with other relief organizations throughout the world including the Red Cross, Catholic Charities, Islamic Relief, UNHCR, Salvation Army, and others.  Nate has served as a representative of the Church in VOAD (Volunteer Organizations Active in Disaster) for the state of Utah, nationally, and Internationally.  VOAD is an organization that allows many charitable organizations (many of them faith-based and non-profit) to become acquainted and develop relationships so that when calamities come, they can work together efficiently.  The global humanitarian community is wonderful and the outstretched hands from around the world compliment and lift each other.

(the previous paragraphs pretty much sound like a middle school report... sorry about that!)

I like to joke with my kids when they ask "What is Dad doing?" and my response is "Saving the world, one phone call at a time." Neighbors ask, "How's Superman?" I laugh.  Yes, I am married to Superman.  One minute he is in his shirt and tie, the next, he is flying off to save someone.  We are lucky to have Nate as the head of our family: daily showing what it means to selflessly serve.

But I knew I was married to Superman long before Nate worked in the LDS Welfare department.  He was the one pulling over on the side of the road to help someone with a flat tire and getting home late for dinner.  He was the one sneaking out on early Saturday mornings to plant tulips for his mom, or get groceries while I slept in.  He was the one taking truckloads to the dump for the neighborhood, and staying after church to fold up all the chairs.  I should have realized when we got married he wouldn't continue working for the family mortgage company, or pursue International Business as planned.  Silly me!

The years have taught me a lot and I'm often asked how I feel about Nate heading out.  It finally dawned on  me that I am living what thousands of spouses live day after day, year after year.  The spouses of our armed forces go through many of the same emotions I have, but it is far more dangerous and usually spans a LOT more time.  The longest Nate ever goes is less than 3 weeks, and these awesome troops go out for months, even years, at a time.  Wow.  They deserve all the respect and gratitude we can give them!  And their families deserve it as well.

It's difficult to articulate how I feel (and I'm sure others feel) when my Responder heads out, but I'm going to take a crack at it, for posterity's sake.  Here it is (to be the spouse of Superman).

LOVED we have great talks on the phone and email when Nate is gone, and he always tells us he loves and misses us.  He always wishes I could join him, and so do I.  Someday!
REASSURED  The Spirit always helps me feel that Nate will be safe.  I think if he is going to be doing the Lord's work, he will be protected.  It might not be ideal, but he will be ok.
TIRED When Nate goes out of town, everyone wants a turn in my bed, and Jack (our mini-Australian shepherd) likes to sleep on my feet.  Good times.
DISJOINTED  It feels like half of me is here, and the other half somewhere else.  Have you ever seen Star Trek?  I kind of feel like this:

I felt that way a little bit when Joe was serving a mission, and when Anne was studying abroad in Jerusalem.  It's a strange feeling.

SAD Once Nate is out working, he relays stories of terror and destruction.  It is always worse in person than what you imagine.  After we talk, it's hard to go through the day without feeling a little heartbroken for the sweet people who have been affected.  Whether those people are from Pakistan, New Jersey, Japan, the Philippines, or Texas, these are God's children and they have suffered trauma and devastation.

GRATEFUL Knowing what is going on in the world also reminds me that I have been given much.  We have a warm home, food, clothes, friends, and family, and our Savior Jesus Christ who suffered for each of us.

RELIEVED  I worry every day about what to make for dinner because I want to give Nate something he likes.  It's the old fashioned homemaker in me!  I still cook for the family when he goes, but if the kids don't like it, I tell them to eat cereal or make a box of mac and cheese.  Nate is not demanding of my cooking, but I am still like a newlywed when it comes to wanting to impress him when he comes home from a long day.

SURPRISED at how often one of the kids gets sick, and how frequently house problems happen (broken ice-maker, basement flooding, dryer stops drying, etc) We are definitely not immune.  No issues yet this time: knock on wood!

WITHDRAWN It's hard to explain, but when Nate is away, I have this urge to stay home like a mother hen with my chicks under my wings.  I don't like going out and answering a lot of questions.  I get the feeling I had when my brother, Tad, died while Nate was the Bishop, and I didn't want the attention.  I tend to be guarded until he lands at the Salt Lake City airport.

PEACEFUL  At night, when we read scriptures and kneel to pray without him, I feel a tangible peace.  I also felt that when Nate was gone as a Bishop, caring for our ward family.  I hate having him gone, but I love that glowing feeling we have when he's out.

THANKFUL So many kind people check up on me and the kids, and the kids do step up.  They know that by the end of one of Nate's trips, I will be stressed.  Mary helps with the dishes and cleans the kitchen at night.  Lucy spends one on one time with Jeffrey boy.  Joe keeps me laughing.  Anne sends Nate and me emails.  Emma steadies the ship day after day.  People are blessings!
AWARE  It's good to have perspective-- to know there is a big world out there with millions of people, who have joys and struggles, and to know that the world doesn't revolve around us, or around our appearances, possessions, vacations, or lack of. 

Bottom line? I couldn't be more blessed.  Heavenly Father loves each and every soul on this earth, and I'm the lucky one who ended up with Superman.

 

I love you!  See you soon.